You are going to have to decide whether you tell people about your infertility and treatment or you don’t tell them at all. Some people don’t want anyone to know and others are happy to have it all out in the open and tell everyone. Some people choose to confide in just a few close friends and family.
The benefits of telling people
There are advantages to telling people. You won’t get the endless questions about when you’re going to have children, or the pressure about not leaving it too late. By knowing what you are going through hopefully your friends and family will try to be sympathetic and understanding. However, you will have to accept that no one can understand what IVF is like unless they’ve been through it themselves. People may unintentionally say things with the best possible motives and end up upsetting you.
Everyone will have an opinion about IVF and with so much coverage of IVF in the media and online people sometimes assume they know a lot about it. Your friends and family may not understand that fertility treatment doesn’t always work, and it can be hard to have to deal with their expectations.
This can be a problem if your treatment isn’t successful as they will all be waiting to find out whether it has worked. Having to tell everyone about the disappointment of it not working repeatedly to different people may be very upsetting for you.
The benefits of not telling people
Not telling anyone at all can cause problems, too. You may find yourself having to lie about things when it comes to visits to the clinic and your emotional state during treatment. Your decision about who to tell may be based on how much you see of your family and friends and how much you feel you need to tell them.
If you decide not to tell people about IVF, you may still want to confide in one or two close friends or relatives, which means you will be able to get some support and have someone to talk to, without feeling everyone you know is watching your progress from the sidelines. It may help to be a little bit vague about exactly when you expect to happen at each stage of your cycle if you are telling people about it as this can give you some breathing space.
This is from my program ‘Everything you need to know before starting your IVF/ART’.
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